Once upon a time I went to my local rec centre and learned easy, relaxing yoga moves. I had a great teacher; she encouraged the class to do what we wanted on any given night - slow down, speed up or just lay on the mat. I often laid on my mat, not moving.
I first heard the expression, "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got" at a Weight Watchers meeting many moons ago. While I agreed with the sentiment, I wasn't ready to not do what I'd always done.
Now I am.
Changing ain't easy, though nobody said it would be. I want more from my body, less of it. I want to run fast, it so prefers to plod. I want to contort myself into a pretzel, my bulk blocks me.
I swore ever so silently while on my yoga mat this past Sunday. I struggled with the poses, with my shape, with the holds, twists and lunges. I felt awkward and tight and wrong. And it sucked. At the end, that fun shavasna part, aka laying still at the end, my new teacher said, "Say something nice to your body." Helpful.
So now I am back to the feeling I had on the treadmill, running one minute walking for one minute, wanting "to be a runner". I didn't know how long it would take but the goal was specific.
Now my goal is to be a happy yogini with more ohmmming than #!*^#, more flow than not. I like my goals to be clear, this one isn't. All I know is that I will be on my mat three times a week.